I think you ought to know, I'm feeling very depressed.

I am recovering from a particularly nasty belly bug, I really believe I have expelled my own bodyweight in sweat, vomit and ... well, you can imagine the rest for yourself. I cant seem to physically drink enough to get rid of the dehydration that makes my fingers and toes swell up. (I have monster munch toes! He he he!)
I woke up this morning feeling very depressed, I was bored, feeling a little like a failure that I still haven't managed to get myself a job and doubting my ability to ever get one. Generally feeling very sorry for myself. I have several to do lists, sticky notes and such things full of things to fill my time, but do I do any of them? Of course not. This mornings depression shook me a little. The prospect of lying on my bed for the whole day complaining silently about the pain in my back (the back pain is actually caused by my lying in bed all day, by the way) and listening to Harry Potter Audiobooks, (Read by Stephen Fry, I love them!) was not at all inviting. Leaving the house is not an inviting prospect either. It is very hot here during the day, I'm still not in the whole of my health and I believe one hour outside could require drinking vomit inducing amounts of water to restore my feet to normal proportions.
So I decided to do some things I have been putting off. I called three people I have been in touch with about getting a job. I have been putting off these phone calls, not really wanting to admit this to myself, because I am afraid they wont work out well. This all ties in with the confidence crisis induced by living in a place that sometimes feels so alien and inhospitable I can't go outside to buy a picture frame alone, let alone do anything remotely productive like get a job, a flat, a bank account, health insurance etc. Also the small matter of getting fired from my last job, I thought I was doing spectacularly well, then they went and fired me without an explanation. This tends to lead to a certain level of self doubt.
Anyway, I called three people and made two appointments for tomorrow and the third guy is calling me back. How encouraging! (Maybe I am not so useless, at face value?) Of course, if and when I do get a job I will have to deal with this fear and self doubt all over again, no matter how well I do, I will always wonder, will they fire me again? But that is for another day, I have to get a job before they can fire me, don't I?